Get ready for traffic disruptions, a big taxpayer bill and a lot of needless bowing and curtsying.
The dysfunctional royal family is coming to the Boston area starting Wednesday, with Prince William and Princess Kate headlining a packed, three-day public relations tour aimed partly at burnishing the royals’ bruised image.
There will be plenty of stars, politicians and Kennedys all desperate to get invited to the big events.
The trip — the first to the U.S. since the death of the Queen — will be the first close look many Bostonians will get of William and Kate, who are locked in a PR battle with royal outcasts Harry and Meghan for the hearts and minds of the public.
William and Kate are the future faces of the Crown, while Harry and Meghan are more like celebrities – who don’t always get great press.
That’s why it’s so important for William and Kate to perform their roles while in Boston and not screw up. Showing up unannounced at a Bruins or Celtics game wouldn’t be a bad idea to win over Americans.
The first stop for the Prince and Princess of Wales will be Boston City Hall, that concrete and brick eyesore, where Boston’s own version of royalty, Mayor Michelle Wu, will be trying to welcome the couple to town.
Couldn’t the city have come up with a better venue than that?
Boston is full of beautiful old buildings and historic places and they offer up Boston City Hall Plaza?
Helpful tip for Wu: don’t hold an umbrella for the Prince or Princess if it’s raining. Former Boston Mayor and Vatican Ambassador never lived it down when he did that for the Pope.
The most sought after ticket for the royal trip is for the Earthshot Prize awards on Friday, where singers Billie Eilish, her brother FINNEAS (you know you’re big when your name is in all caps), Annie Lennox and Chloe x Halle will be performing. Kate and whatever fabulous dress she’ll be wearing will be presenting the awards, along with actors Rami Malek, Shailene Woodley and Catherine O’Hara. The winners of the award will get a cool $1.1 million.
And of course the Kennedy family has wrangled its way into the royal visit. Ambassador Caroline Kennedy will be greeting the royal couple on Wednesday at the newly refurbished City Hall Plaza and later hosting a visit by William to the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library.
On Thursday the royal couple will be going to Chelsea and Somerville, where they will meet with former Mayor Joseph Curtatone, now president of the Northeast Clean Energy Council. No word on whether a translator will be there for Curtatone.
Read More: Dysfunctional royal family head to Boston to restore their image